I need your help. I’m in trouble with The Man. You see, I came here to school for one reason. To get naked. I just really like getting naked. I think it all started when I was in eighth grade and liked to watch TV all the time. We had one of those big satellite dishes with about 300 channels, and my parents had locked out all the good ones. But one day they left town for a week and me and my friends sat around and ate cheese dip all the time and some of it got spilled into the control box for the satellite dish and suddenly WHOOM! the Boobs and Butts Bonanza Channel was open for our viewing.
So we viewed it, Reid, and I’ve been all for nakedness ever since. Of course, I had to keep my clothes on for most of high school, and that really bit. Sure, I could sleep in the raw, but that was just enough to keep me alive. Not enough to let me grow in my nudity. I had high hopes about coming to Morris. I had hopes that Morris would be a mecca of naked folks like me, but that just hasn’t happened.
The Man won’t let us go naked here and everyone is so afraid of the Man that I’d like to just go fight the system but it’s too cold to go outside when you’re naked like I am all the time. And what makes it worse is that I can’t go to class naked. This means that I can’t go to class at all Reid. I was supposed to go to College Writing or something like that but I can’t because I can’t go naked and even if I tried all the clothes wearing bastards would just make fun of my relatively puny girth. If you don’t go naked all the time you just don’t understand what cold and exposure can do to a sensitive man like me. So now my English skills are sub par and I can only live my dreams of being buffly naked when I’m alone in my room. I know you like to be naked a lot, Reid, and I need your help.
Let’s Get Nekkid,
Me Gusta Desnudar
I know how you feel. It is very important for a person to feel comfortable with their body, and I can see that you obviously have no issues in this area–a sure sign of mental and emotional health. The problem, you see, is not with you. Only a truly healthy, well-adjusted person is comfortable enough with his or her body in order to so enjoy nudity. The problem here is with other people – with rules, with laws, with administration, with the government, with the underlying ideals of imperialism in capitalist society today.
When dealing with issues of this type, one must ask one’s self: “Who am I? How do I fit into the Universe? Am I significant? Is the government oppressing my freedom while it claims to defend it?” Look deep inside of yourself, my dear nudist, and at the same time look so far outside of yourself as to take in the entire picture of the Universe, of space and time and the very fabric of reality. When contemplating things of this nature, we must look at exactly that: Things, and the thingness of things. At what point does the world world? And when the world worlds, do things still thing? Are things things, or are worlds worlds? Are you my brother, or my sister, or my twin? I believe that I am made up of organs, cells, DNA molecules, atoms, subatomic particles. But am I but a speck of nothing on what I think of as a world, which is actually no more than a subatomic particle in the atom which is our solar system, which is a part of the larger molecule of the galaxy, which in turn is but a tiny piece of the DNA that is the Universe?
Is my Universe simply the tiniest part of a much larger being, who in turn is contemplating these very issues, himself just as tiny a nothing speck in comparison to a still larger world? Does this stretch on into infinity, or is life and the Universe finite? We debate cosmological problems such as the age of the Universe and the conflicting age of stars. Is the Universe my dream or am I the dream of some other being? Am I no more than a part of someone else’s cadaver equis? Can the meaning of life be un chien andalou, or is there no meaning for any of this? Should I care? After all, as a nothing speck of nothing on a larger speck of nothing, and one which will live only a nothing amount of time in the infinite (or finite?) life and space and time of the Universe, nothing that I can do in my nothing span of a life can possibly have an effect on the larger scheme of things–which might not actually be the larger scheme of things in the truly larger scheme of things.
So basically, what I’m saying here is: Go naked. Go to class naked, go to work naked, go to bed naked. Nothing matters. Life goes on. Or does it?