Betsy's Mousemate

Dear Reid,

Lately I’ve been a little out-of-sorts. I was making breakfast one morning (well, pouring a bowl of Wheaties–all that my sched. will allow), barefoot, when I stepped on several distressingly small somethings of a pellet-like nature on my kitchen floor. Upon consultation with my roommates, it turns out that these are mouse biproducts. That’s right, we’ve got an infestation of rodentia, which is, frankly, intolerable.

We’ve tried mouse traps. We slapped peanut butter all over those things–snapping them shut on my fingers three times in the process–but our efforts were fruitless. The next morning we found that the traps had been licked clean. The exterminator is ignoring my frequent and frantic calls, and it appears that our landlord has run off to Acapulco. It’s gotten to the point where I’m losing sleep at night for fear of waking up to the little beast scurrying across my face or wriggling around by my feet under the covers. You really are my last chance. I’ll be eternally grateful for any suggestions you have to offer.

Sincerely,
Freaked About Fievel

I know how you feel. What you need to realize, however, is that the source of your anxieties really isn’t the mouse. You are substituting the mouse in your mind for a deeper, though much more subtle, form of emotional distress. Your fear of the mouse symbolizes your inner desire for peace and stability in your personal life.

Now, I don’t know you, but I believe I can understand what’s going on in your head. You’re probably one of those big guys, probably a football player, all rough and tough on the exterior. But inside you’re soft, sensitive, probably rather insecure in your identity. Your writing style gives away the sarcastic, witty personality that you use to cover up a kind and loving soul. Don’t fear the mouse, my friend, embrace its company in your home. What you need is a small, furry friend with whom you can share your lonely abode.

You may never see your guest, but all the same you should treat it as friend rather than foe. Leave food for the poor little creature and make it feel welcome in your home. Speak to it. Share with it your concerns over its place in your household. By befriending the mouse you befriend yourself. Make peace with the mouse and you make peace with your inner conflict. Otherwise, I’ve heard sticky traps work pretty good.

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One Response to “Betsy's Mousemate”

  1. minnie Says:

    okay i like this one kid that is in 10th grade and i am in 12th grade. We like hung out with alot of friends over the summer. we talked all the time over the phone. Then one time i ask him if he wanted to hang out he was like dunno. Then we stopped talking i tried texting him but he never answered. Then on the second day of school i saw him and i walk by a group with him and his friends he smiled at me and everyone else just looked. Then at lunch i started to talk to one of his friends and he got really mad. so i was wondering why is he being like this

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