How to tell if your friend is gay

Dear Reid,

My best guy friend is acting sort of weird lately. I asked someone about it and they said he kind of acted gay and maybe he was confused. This guy is so cool and he is a really good friend of mine but I don’t know how to act around him with that thought now in my head. I don’t know if he really is, but, what should I do? It’s not like I can just ask him. I also feel weird around gay people, I know it’s wrong but there’s nothing I can do about it. And I really don’t want to lose a freind as good as this one over that.

Please answer soon,

Worried/Confused

I know how you feel. It’s a difficult time in everyone’s life when they first have to address the concept of sexual orientation. Common myth indicates that nearly 10% of the population is homosexual. Rigorous studies I have personally conducted at bars and clubs across the country would place that number much higher among the female population—perhaps closer to 99.9%. These figures assume that my wit and charm would be irresistable to any self-respecting heterosexual woman, an assumption I think would be unquestionably agreed to by readers of this site.

Now, given the figures, it is extremely likely that at least one—if not most—of your friends are, indeed, gay. So, given the fact that the guy in question has been observed to “act gay,” there are a few tests you can perform to find out for sure.

Rorschach Ink-Blot TestRorschach-1

Provided at the right are a few simple Rorschach ink-blot tests you can administer to your friend. These images have been developed by a team of professional psychologists working for DearReid.com. His interpretation of the blots should provide a great deal of insight into his inner psyche, and give a clue as to his sexual preferences.

On a piece of paper, create two columns, one labeled “Straight,” and the other labeled “Gay.” Show your friend the inkblots at the right, and record his answers. Of course, you’ll have to hide the answers shown below each inkblot when you administer the test, so as not to skew his responses. Each answer of “A” will add a point to the “Gay” column, while each answer of “B” will add a point to the “Straight” column. Reverse these if the test taker is a woman.

If, after completion of the Rorschach test, you still question your friend’s sexual orientation, there are a few harder-hitting experiments you can perform. But be woarned, these alternatives are not for the faint of heart, may be illegal in some states, and should not be performed by anyone under the age of 117.

The Sterotypical Neatness Test

This is less of a test than an observational study. When attempting to judge if a male friend is gay, you can look for a few tell-tale signs. First, are his shirts ironed and tucked in properly? Do his socks match his shirt? Is his hair neatly trimmed, with sideburns that extend just below the ear? Is his living space in good order, with a tightly made bed and very little dirty laundry on the kitchen floor? Does he often act effeminate, using language such as “sweetie” and “honey” while pronouncing his “S”’s with a slight lisp? And finally, does he appear to clean under his fingernails? If there isn’t a significant amound of dirt under at least two or three of his fingernails, there is a very good chance that your friend is gay.

The Seduction Test

This is one for the ages. In the early part of the last millenium, men who were suspected by their female friends of being gay were often lured into a room filled with one to eight attractive, nude women, where an independent observer could then gauge their reaction. If he started babbling like an idiot, shaking, drooling, barking, or removing his own clothing with reckless abandon, he was most often considered to be straight. On the other hand, if the man immediately struck up a conversation, commented on a woman’s toenails, or, really, maintained any sort of composure whatsoever, he was generally judged to be gay. This test was mostly abandonded in the late 12th century after men began to catch on, and started acting effeminite, dressing neatly, and cleaning under their fingernails in an attempt to instigate an orgy.

So What if He is Gay? Deal with it. If he’s gay now, he was gay before. He’s still your friend; that hasn’t changed. If it makes you feel uncomfortable to be around him, that’s your problem, and you have some issues of your own to work out.

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213 Responses to “How to tell if your friend is gay”

  1. rolandolongapo Says:

    Uhm. This article doesn’t help a lot. Reid, have you taken into account the fact that there are guys out there who can actually have let’s say a hard-on for a nude woman and at the same time not want to be in a relationship with her? I mean, there are men out there who are also quite aware of what straight men find as desirable or attractive and can fake it. There are also men out there who are as dirty or unkempt as men go, and still be gay. What about men who can be neat, organized, clean, but are still straight?

    This article doesn’t really cater much to finding out about those more ambiguous guys and more to the general stereotype.

    • obselapus Says:

      I agree. I have several male friends who are gay and they aren’t exactly the tidiest people I know… to use these examples/questions as a sort of “evaluation” is not only ridiculous but also quite offensive. Matching socks and clean nails have nothing to do with whether a man is gay or not. Everyone is different and unique in their own way, regardless of their sexual orientation. To pass that judgement of an entire group of people just makes you look ignorant.
      I mean, I’m a lesbian – and if what you say is supposedly correct, and we’re judging based on stereotypes, does that mean I’m not actually gay because I still dress like a girl and have long hair? Clearly by your standards I’m not. I don’t mean to rant but pure ignorance like this frustrates me.

  2. Markiee Says:

    I have a really important question… I think I love this friend of mine. I told him how I felt and he didnt have a problem with it. He said that he was once bisexual and now he is straight but I dont think he is telling me the truth. We are really close and we have alot in common even the same birthday. He is extremely cute and nice… Should I talk to him about it or just drop it?

  3. Hades 44 Says:

    I have two cheerleaders how do not do anything with out eachother the only diffrent thing is one treats me like a friend and the other wants me dead a If you me that is a bigger diffrents then haven and hell man

  4. to 142 Says:

    I think your right but I dont want to look like I like him. Im not gay or anything like that. Hes the one doing all the flirting, commenting me on how good I do in school. And randonly starts talking to me out of no where trying to start conversations. Kind of awkward and i dont understand why hes doing all of this. If he likes me he just tell me. Its not like i have anything against people who are gay/bi.

    • George Wallace Says:

      Sounds to me like you have a bit of hubrous when it comes to other peoples opinions and intentions with you. Could it be that friend talk and start up conversations randomly because well they are your friend. Would you rather him sit in the corner quietly and jerk off to you as you sleep? Get over yourself. If you are going to accuse somebody of being gay without any evidence except that he complimented you on your school work then I’m sorry to inform you that you may be the one who secretly is gay. Straight men rough house, slap ass, and do so many more things together that have that slight percentage that he may like cock in his ass. That’s fucking rediculous. Did you ever stop and think, huh, maybe he is just a nice person who cares about his friends. That by no means indicates he like dick lol. Perhaps, just like any man he is just being himself and is comfortable in his own skin to not care what people think. Perhaps, you’re the only one who is bringing a sexual aspect to the situation in your mind. Why are you so concerned of the lifestyle he chooses for his private life if you don’t know or are not involved in it? Why are you checking him out? I’m sorry to break it to you, but the ones who judge and assume sexual thought and actions associated with another person is more times than not gay themselves. Maybe your jealous of how he is able to be himself and your closeted behind your insecurity of anyone finding out your true sexual orientation. Straight men don’t associate gayness in another by dumb shit like that, hell, they don’t judge a friends sexual orientation unless they have a reason to want to be in it. If being friendly means you like men in your mind then damn, you want to be targeted by him secretly. Maybe your just here to see if anyone has any insight to whether or not he may be gay so that you would be able to pursue an encounter discretely with a friend you trust. Unless he grabs a hold of your cock or makes an obvious physical connection to both your generalia by which he wants to ejaculate with you. (Or he says so,has a bf, frequents gay bars, etc.) the examples you gave in absolutely no way shape or form mean likes penis down his throat. Nice guys like vagina too. Closet gay guys judge and investigate another’s sexual orientation when it is neither here not there. People are people. They come in all shapes sizes forms and personalities but not one of those can give you an answer to his true sexual orientation. Which again gets to me that why would you even ask/assume that he might/is gay? You say gay guys make you uncomfortable? That’s a strong attraction my friend that you are hiding behind by deferring and contiplating if he like girls or boys. How would it matter to you, if he is only your friend, which team he plays for? Your interest in the matter can only be concluded in one way. You’re gay. A straight man would never get caught up in something so personal like that secretly and concerning a good friend sexual appetite. That’s on him, unless of course you have some stock in the subject if he were to be.

      Do you see how you can basically interpret without cause anything that anyone does for being gay. Doesn’t feel so good to be the one in question, huh? My opinion is you are at least jealous that he is able to be in his own skin so easily, so you immediately pull the gay card to discredit how awesome of a person he is and you wish to be. That is of course, unless you’re gay. Homophobes turn out to actually be a closeted gay more time than not. They hide behind a fake persona and judge anybody who they are jealous of, other gay guys for being able to be open unlike them. Also towards straight guys that are just being who they were born to be and jealousy seeps through because in their/your mind you are overly fixated on words and actions that may imply homo behavior. The only true him behavior is dick and balls in your mouth and ass. If you want that, you are gay. Case closed, no further questions. However, there still is one more possibility to the words you spoke that I’ve seen too many times out of closet gays. You secretly want to be with him, so you create the illusion inside your head that he could be gay and you would love to have a discrete and comfortable relationship with someone you know and are obviously attracted to for your first step out of your self hating closet. Again, a straight man wouldn’t ponder or question his friends sexuality because why would he care in the first place. It’s not happening with me so the thought doesn’t even arise. A straight man is too concerned with which piece of ass he is going to go after next rather than judge his friends totally normal behavior of being a “good friend” just like you said he was. You’re nothing more than that to him, but it’s apparent gayness really seems to be on your mind, especially for something so ordinary between friends to be turned into something so sinister. I agree, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, but I’m sure if you are not gay, it wasn’t so pleasant being called that way, huh? Faggot

  5. gary Says:

    i have a best friend who in the past i have engaged in sex with but recently havent. i dont ask or anything but i secretly want to start having sex wit him agian. we hang out everyday. i am bi not gay , woman do turn me on very much im always hooking up with woman and i do have strong sexual urges twords woman. i also do have sexual attractions to some men but not all mostly only men who have femminime qualites. my friend says he is not gay although me and him have had sexual relations before in the past he was allways willing to participate and would sometimes engage me for sex. but lately he hasnt shown any signs of wanting to have sex and has declined my offer a couple times.he seems to have trouble speaking to woman and seems to be uncomfortable around them. he is very very cute woman love him alot , but he hasnt engaged in sex with a woman in well pver 1 1/2 years. i just want to know if he is really gay or not , deep down i truly blieve he is but due to reputation with family and friends i feel that he hides it….deeply and has seemed to shaun it completely. he used to have no problem being naked in front me after he would get out of the shower and i would be in his room and he would be getting changed now he ask me to leave the room while he changes i sometimes feel my secret love and passion for him led to become to close of a friend to him. what do i do? is he gay? if he is how do i change his perspective twords me? if i ask him he will deny i would too.the thing is it wasnt a one or two night experiance me and him would always sleep over our friend house. me and him would always sleep in a room in the basement in the same bed. for years we have been doing it their was a time were it was every weekend then me and him went separate ways for a while didnt see eachother for close to 6 or 7 months and when we happen to sleep our friends house one random night we had sex. now 3 years later we have sex a couple times over the last 3 years we recently started becoming good friends and hangin out every day agian. the last i had sex with him was last march(2009) i believe and then idk what happened. HELP IM CONFUSED

  6. eddie-again Says:

    Gary – Damn no offence but that was a waste of time, becuase, if you have had sex with him, then why are you worried about it? I mean, he either just likes you because of what you can give him, or becuase he likes you. Surely you can just ask him? And of course he is either gay or Bi! Do you think he would have had sex with you otherwise? And preaps if he dosn’t let you see him naked anymore then mabye he has something to hide….

  7. Yes, sir! Says:

    Hi Mr. reid,

    are you gay?

    how can I tell if you are gay?

    the title of the website seems gay.

    if you are not gay, are u metro?

  8. Raven Lingle Says:

    Jennifer Love Hewitt carries a hot physique! Women and men should certainly stop creating enjoyable of her size. That is certainly why celebrities these days have so many problems.

  9. Lance Says:

    Really?? this is retarded. Not all gay people dress perfect, live neatly and reside in pink houses. Some are messy, chill, cool and like to listen to rock music not techno. The point is everyone is different even if they are gay or bi whatever. There is a certain uniqueness to all of us and thats what makes being friends really special and sharing that with the world helps you live another day. So even if this dude is gay, its up to you whether your going to be judgemental or understanding.

  10. Dylan B Says:

    Do You People Not Get This Atall. You Are All Complaining About Him Listing The Stereo Types Of Gay People Whaen He Is Very Obviously Being Sarcastic And Saying That It Dosnt Matter If His Friend Is Gay Or Bi Because Hes Still The Same Person. There IS Not Going T Be Any Difference In His Personality Weather You Know Or Not. He Is Saying That There Is No Way To Know If Someone Is Gay Or Bi For Sure And If You Really Want To Know Ask The Person.
    I’m 15 And I Know This.

  11. zayvion thompson Says:

    I need some help im 14 years old and cnfused about my sexuality some times i think some of my friends are gay but im 2 scared to ask and i have no gay friends 2 come out and my family are homophobes i have a sister thats bi but im scred that if i tell her she might blab help me scared an lonley

  12. Ryan Says:

    I have a best friend but Idk if he’s gay but he acts gay like he touches my nipples alot nd punches my balls alot nd he bites me is he gay or not but also I seen him kiss girls!!! Could someone plz tell me if that’s gay if he does that too mee I’m confused!!!!

    • imchilia dasanti Says:

      when he touches your nipples, grab him and hold him down, see if he gets a woody then he is gayer than gay, from your description he must be Bi.

  13. bleety Says:

    ‘If there isn’t a significant amound of dirt under at least two or three of his fingernails, there is a very good chance that your friend is gay.’

    YOU ARE A F…G IDIOT…. STOP WRITING DUMB THINGS

  14. john Says:

    Amm raid .. U suck! Haha really lisn no1 lisns to him ok I will prove u wrong u said he’s gay if too clean and shit. Iam gay, I nearly clean my room or shit not too carefull about everything to be clean and iam gay try explaing that :D

  15. Malachi Says:

    who cares what other people say just follow your heart and confront him if u haf 2 and express ur feelings, u dont haf to be ashamed and im sure it will work out fine

  16. hooking up Says:

    hooking up…

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  17. Leo Says:

    ……talking helps…just don’t be rude….
    praying helps more

  18. Rimpy Says:

    my friend is a boy and i dont know if he’s a gay?

    your the only one that can answer that….

    email me at facebook :rimpyjoe@yahoo.com

    thanks!!!

  19. Mosiyah Says:

    hey.this may be long.I dont usally post comments, but i need an opinion. I have a friend named jay who ive known for bout 5yrs and i thnk he might be gay or bi and i think he likes me. reason being tht hes done and said things over the yrs thts got me very curious about his sexuality and i always thought there was something off about him. I dont remember everything hes done but there are some things i remember clearly. One night i remember him asking me if i wuld still be his friend if he was gay. i said of course because i wuld accept him for who he is and he is like my best friend. i asked why he asked tht about a week later and he said he wasnt gay kus he loves girls and he was just curious. but later on ive caught him staring at me on several occasions with a smirk on his face and when i wuld ask why he was looking at me or look at him back he wuld just say ‘sup’ like he was playing or just wanted a reaction. hes also randomly patted my back alot just to say hi and sometimes slides his hand off my back as if feeling my shoulders. once i asked why he did tht[in a playful way so he didnt thnk i minded which i dont] and he jus flashed a quick smile and walked away kinda fast. he always responds unless he doesnt here u. i thnk tht same day i was leaning on a wall at his house and he was goin to the kitchen when he quickly stroked my chest while walkin by fast and said i was buff. hes also winked at me twice with a smirk and once, he laughed to pass it off as a joke i guess. he also likes to shake my hand alot when we meet. and sometimes is playfully desperate to shake if i refuse to shake his hand. hes done other things i thnk hinted at him being interested in me but i dont remember all of them kus he does these things rarely. i asked a close friend about it and told her these things. She also sees jay with me alot kus were close friends and she said she ‘saw him looking at my ass’ one day a while ago which kinda surprised me and i made sure she was telling the truth and she said she was…i dont really know what to thnk kus jay has told me about girls he thought were hot and recently he said he saw a beautiful girl at wal-mart so im thinking maybe he is bi but im just not sure and jus today he said he thought my laugh was cute and tht i hve a famous smile. i guess those were just compliments but do u thnk he is gay or bi and is interested in me?This has been bugging me for quite some time and i just want to know kus i thnk he is trying to tell me thru body language tht he likes me but i dont want to ask kus it may make an awkward friendship or ruin it…

  20. Palmolive Coupons Says:

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  21. Kelly kelsi Says:

    Hey everyone says that my friend is gay and a lesbian. My other friend spent the night at her house and I was worried couse my first friend is lesbian and she likes my other friend so like what should I do??? She told me she was and the weird thing is is that she kisses her sisters and her sisters and her have sex sometimes it’s just weird!!!

  22. seth Says:

    Your a fucking fag you homo!

  23. Alex Says:

    This is a load of bullshit.

    So if you are just flirting with women in a enclosed space, your gay!?

    There is one way to find out if someone is gay, and they won’t come out.

    You must be bi/gay to perform this test, and everyone must know you are.

    If he’s friends with you, he most likely likes you, so kiss him. If he pulls away, then runs away screaming rape, then his line is straight, he he pulls away, but stares you in the eyes, then he his bi, but if he stays in the kiss, then he’s gay.

    If it’s a good kiss, and he’s gay, then he will like, and he will forget who it’s with.

    If you doubt my way, then that’s funny, because it worked on me AND three of my previous boyfriends. 4 tests, four “come-outs”.

    Can’t argue with those results.

  24. Mosiyah Says:

    Havent posted here in awhile but i just wanted to say one thing. Nevermind about my friend jay being gay. I was wrong to think all those things about him and i feel pretty guilty about it especially since i posted it on here. But i was just really curious and im afraid he might find out about it somehow and even tho i dont really think hes gay anymore, we may not be cool with eachother if he finds out somehow so i just want to clear this up so i will feel better. The truth is i think that im most likely gay and the reason im so curious about him is because hes like one of the coolest people i know and one of the closest. When i thought that he might be gay too i just wanted to know because then i wouldnt feel like i was alone and i would just feel better about it that way. Ive also liked him for a long time and its really disturbing so i thought that if he was gay i would feel better about that too cause i would be able to tell him and finally be free of the guilt. I think im just going to have to struggle and face my sexuality myself. At the same time i will have to hide it from people around me best i can.

    • tianna Says:

      What is wrong with getting curious that is really loyal of you to do that apology.xoxo plus I’m a girl.

    • mary Says:

      Mosiyah if you are gey test it out. dont be afraid to come out eaither then youll be in hiding. and is not a good feeling. face the fact that you can be gey. let people think what ever they want to think.

  25. tianna Says:

    I had a sleepover I invited my neighbor she said when I was sleep my BFF cuddled up next to me and she puts her legs on me,sits or be around me the whole time,and try to sit on me! Is she gay how do I ask her if she gay without losing my friendship

    • mary Says:

      just ask her.. but ask her nicely. you dont want to seem like a B***. when you ask her ,make you to tell her that no matter what you will still be her friend. but if you dont want to be her friend just cause she turned out gay then you have some problems of your own. and if she is gey. it does not change who she is.

  26. mary Says:

    this answer is a little confusing cause there is straight guys out there that are very neat. and gey guys that are as well but then some are not.

  27. mary Says:

    and Mosiyah if you are gey test it out. dont be afraid to come out eaither then youll be in hiding. and is not a good feeling. face the fact that you can be gey. let people think what ever they want to think.

  28. Jayson Says:

    i don’t know if im gay girls look cute so do boys i need help finding out if im gay or not

  29. Angela Malone Says:

    This is kind of and old post.

  30. Kipsanai Hillary Says:

    This posts actualy give solutions to dilema complications keep it up we are supporting this web.

  31. John Yorker Says:

    Try showing all your friends a pornographic image, not telling them you meant to show them the image, like an accident. Not only will this be a funny prank, but it will also open there sexual likes and thoughts.
    I will take some time to view there results, so wait at least a week to analyze them, then tell them the news.
    Hopefully everybody who tries this survey has a lot of laughs and fun!
    Good luck!

  32. Dev Says:

    I search a indian gay friend for long term reletion.

  33. primoDeath Says:

    uuuuuuhhhm i’m gay and i’m not really that neat ok

  34. The didact 1337 Says:

    It didn’t wrk he is to stubborn for the ink blots he said “all this is a bunch of ink on paper now stop wasting my time” what do I do

  35. A.M. Says:

    I think my best friend is gay too. Even though I hug him & other boys & a lot girls too, I’m not gay. But sometimes he takes things a little to far. Like one time when I got back from a trip instead of a usual hug from me…he jumps into my arms and crosses his legs around me. He also slaps my a$$ and touches my chest almost down to the area( boys you know what I’m talking about). I want to ask him if he’s gay or not, but I’m afraid it’s going to ruin our friendship. For some reason alot of gay boys hit on me even though I like girls and sometimes boys. I’m not gay because I have dated a girl so I would be bio. Just looking for some advice.
    P.S. Gives me thoughs weird stares & akward conversations mostly random to me & our other best friend. Have P.E. with him. Follows me & other friend to the classes he doesn’t have with us. Sleeps almost on me with his face in front of me. Go RMCA Middle School!!

    • anonomous Says:

      i have almost the same problem because i have this friend who i think is gey or bi and i like him alot but i cant really tell. he is really childish like he likes to play tag and play video games all day and is 14. yesterday while i was at his house, we were on his couch sitting closely and my heart told me to make the move but my head said no. so i didnt and then i put my arm around him and then atutomatically looks at me and and i said nervously “oh not like that” then turned. felt so guilty because i have been holding it in for a whole year now and it seems harder everyday. then his face seems normal. later still at his house we both had to use the bathroom at the same time so we were racing there and both made it to the bathroom at the same time and we were play wrestling. i liked it. i had another chance to make the move but didnt. i took a piss in the toilet while he was still behind me but couldnt see my uknowhwat.and he starts pushing me while im still using the bathroom. i was laughing a lil and he was smiling the whole time.he tells me to move but not get out so he gets a towel and puts it around him and pulls down his pants so i playfully took the towel and saw his uknowwhat and acted like i didnt. it didnt seem awkward or anything after he came out of the bathroom after i left and we sat down by the couch again even closer then before almost. then we left his house. this was only a couple of days ago and i have dreams about it every night. I need help and dont know what to do. I dont want to risk losing our friendship and i also dont want to lose him if he maybe turns out to be bi or gey to another person. please i need help. we are both 14- year old boys

  36. marissa Says:

    there are no ink blot tests provided at the right

  37. www.facebook.com Says:

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  38. Jacob Says:

    I’m straight and think u shood confess if he’s not ur friend afterwards ,he wasn’t ur friend in the 1 place.p.s my friend quentin does the same weird stuff like he grabs me in akward places and strokes my back.were both 17 but I’m not sure if he’s gay,if so that’s cool,I have no prob with gays.:-)

  39. Mike Johns Says:

    Why are you worried. Ask yourself theses questions:
    He is your friend right?
    Why do you fell weird around “gays”?
    What real difference does him being gay make?
    Does his sexuality really mean that much to you, if the friendship not worth it?
    Why must you act differently if he is gay, all you can do is ask. He sees you as a friend and acting weird is just going to ruin the friendship.

  40. Jacob Says:

    So guys,I got a problem,theres a new guy,and dunno why but im kind of attracted to him <3,please help?!

  41. Sean Says:

    Reid, I honestly hope that this particular page is a complete joke, because if it’s not then you need serious help! By help I mean therapy, lots of it! Better yet…go to a sporting goods store (you know like Bass Pro, still following me idiot?) When you get there, ask someone to lead you towards the firearms. Purchase one, anyone doesn’t matter which, just as long as it doesn’t shoot blanks or bb’s. After the transaction goes through, (and for humanities sake, let’s hope it does!) take that firearm and bite on the end with the hole in it. After you get to this point, take your index finger and firmly press the trigger, which should send a bullet directly into your tiny brain, killing you instantly. Hopefully you will succeed! Rightly so because you are what is wrong with this country, better yet, you are what is wrong with the entire human race!!! I honestly never feel the emotion of pity. In your case, I not only feel sorry for you..but I feel sorry for your entire family, and everyone that has ever known you, or actually believes anything on this site is factual, because they are all now dumber just because you are who you are, and they read this sorry excuse for a website. If you really think that you are anything more than a fart in the wind, then please follow my instructions and kill yourself! And may your soul rest in peace!

  42. sonia Says:

    If your man ask u how u feel about gays and if u will take off your clothes in front of them

  43. Devon Palmer Says:

    I’m confused I have this friend who has recently shown me his boner (through his shorts) and I know I’m gay because I got one too but he started to touch me more often like rubbing his leg against mine and touching towards my “upper leg area” and he has like pretended to hump me but standing up like the grind dance he’s also pulled up my shorts to my underwear and smirked but i also recently told him I liked him but he called me disturbing and walked away now we don’t talk what should I do?

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