Does my friend like me or not?

Dear Reid,

I have this friend that I think likes me. He sits in front of me in one class. He always turns around to look in my direction and then he quickly turns back. Then in some other classes I’m in with him, he’s always looking in my direction and then when I turn my head to look at at him he’ll stare for a couple of seconds and then turn his head in the opposite direction.

Then, whenever he and I are on AOL Instant Messenger, he barely talks to me and if he does, he asks if I like a band, movie, person etc. And then he keeps going with that conversation for a while and then once I put on an away message, he puts one up in like a minute and it says something like listening to music and then once I come back, he comes back too.

Then today, he was saying that he didn’t get the math we had to do for homework and I didn’t know how to do it either so I told him that I didn’t know it either. Then he turned to get his books and left without saying “bye” or anything like that.

He and I barely talk at all in class except for him asking me what the answer to a question was or just telling me something pointless. Then, there was this time in Study Hall where he asked me where I lived ’cause me and my friends were joking around saying “no one knows where I live!” so then he was like, “Where do you live?” So I told him that I would tell him so he asked me like 5 minutes later and my friend had to tell me something so I told him to wait and then when I turned back to him, he was talking to someone else. Him and his friends are also whispering a lot in class about something that I don’t know.

Also, he is highly annoying to me now. He was never like that and he is somewhat annoying to everyone else but he’s like really really annoying around me. Can you please help me and tell me if my friend likes me or not? And I’m sorry that was so long.

Lacrosses My Life

I know how you feel. Of course he likes you; he’s a horny teenage boy. Invite him to play LaCrosse with you or something, and make sure you’re on the Skins team. Once he sees you with your shirt off, he’ll be all over you.

Not straight

Dear Reid,

I am seventeen and I am what some consider gay but, what I really think I am is “not straight”. I have had relations with men, but also women. But I do not think I am bisexual because I tend to find men more attractive and fun than women. My friends are very accepting of me, but many of my girl friends wish I were straight. I am happy the way I am as of right now, but I just don’t know what to do. What advice could you give me?

Disgruntled Teen

I know how you feel. The problem is, you don’t. If your friends accept you, why can’t you just accept yourself? You say you’re happy the way you are, but then sign yourself “disgruntled”. The way I see it, you should just do whatever (and whoever) you want, and leave it at that.

Maybe you’re gay, maybe you’re straight. Maybe you find that one girl doesn’t turn you on, but what about two at the same time? Or would you be more open to a chick if there were also a dude in the room? Regular readers of this column know that the best solution to all questions of sexual ambiguity (and to many other problems, as well) is just to go ahead and have a threesome. Take one of those girls who wishes you were straight, and one of those guys who wishes you were gay, and get it over with.

Gaydar on the fritz

Dear Reid,

I’m gay, and there is this amazing guy that I extremely like but I’m not for sure if he is gay or not. I don’t really know if I should come out to him or wait. He uses the word honey and he stares at me sometimes for no particular reason and then he will smile at me. But I read another entry and it talked about if they were neat and if they had their hair cut nicely and everything else. But he doesn’t. He has the skater boy look, but I have shaggy hair also. I just don’t know what to think and I’m in a confused state.

Shaggy

I know how you feel. Shaggy, are you sure you’re really gay? All true homosexuals are supposed to have something called “Gaydar” that will help them identify others like them. If your Gaydar isn’t bleeping and screeching and signaling a red alert for another guy who calls you “honey”, then something might be wrong. You should have that checked out.

Mysterious rectal bleeding

Dear Reid,

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years off and on. About 3 1/2 years ago he started bleeding from his rear after using the bathroom. He went to the doctor and they told him that his lining was torn, but I don’t know why. He eats out a lot and drinks lots of Coke, so maybe its just the fiber in his diet. I asked my mother if that would cause bleeding and she said it could if he were constipated. He says he is, but when I look at his stool it seems normal and he does not make those noises (like if you are constipated). He has been taking some fiber pills, which he says have been helping him, but he is still bleeding, and it’s made me suspicious.

He and I have never been active back there, but I would just like to know if maybe he is just not telling me something. I have asked him discreet questions regarding his problem, and he got really furious when I asked him if he had had intercourse with a guy. The other thing that concerns me is that he is only 28 and I 24; and he is not really sexually active with me. We have intercourse about three times a month and we live together. I don’t think thats normal, according to friends. I know sometimes it’s hard for a guy to come out and say he is gay, especially if he is a cop. He has friends in the police dept who are bisexual. I have heard so many stories.

If he is gay, it’s ok. I would just want to know the truth so he can go on with his life and I with mine. Please help me get out of my fear. Thank you.

Copping a Feel

I know how you feel. Rectal bleeding, along with a fondness for Elton John, is one of the top signs of possible homosexuality in a man. Reportedly, homosexual men frequently engage in sexual intercourse through the anus. Without proper lubrication, such repetitive chafing of the soft tissue within the rectum can cause discomfort and even bleeding. Some men, even those who are not homosexual, may still find it sexually pleasurable to directly stimulate the prostate, otherwise known as the “Male G-Spot”. It is quite common, even during male-female intercourse, for a man to wish to have his partner insert a finger or some other object into his anus for this reason.

I would encourage you to experiment with your boyfriend in this area. As a police officer, it is quite likely that the intense male bonding that occurs on the job has led to some form of homosexual tendencies, whether or not he has acted upon them physically. And if stimulation using an artificial object doesn’t do it for him, the next step should be to invite a third person into your bedroom. There’s nothing like a threesome to bring two people closer together.

Or, of course, he might just have hemorrhoids.