Dear Reid,
I’m having trouble coming up wi a way to get rich quick and I was wondering if you have any ideas. I know they say you have to spend money to make money, and I’m willing to do just that… starting with a $10 per week allowance. How can I turn my pittance into prosperity, prefrerably without having to wait? Please help.
Penniless in Pennsylvania
I know how you feel. I too have felt the pain of an empty wallet, and occasionally have trouble making ends meet. Why, just the other day I had to settle for buying a new 40″ flat screen TV, when I really wanted a 50″. But what’s a man to do? Being a world-renowned fake online advice columnist can only get you so far in life.
So I, like many others, have turned to the classic pyramid model business plan for help. The way it works, see, is that you take your $10 allowance and use it to send out 100 letters to people asking them to become your business partners in selling some sort of product; it doesn’t really matter what. (Hell, sell styling gel guaranteed to help you sculpt the perfect faux hawk, if you can’t think of something else.)
Anyway, you ask each person to send you $10 for the rights to act as a part of your sales force, and send the letter on to as many people as they can—each of whom is to send $10 to the one who sent them the letter. That person, then, must kick $5 back up to you. Those people then send out more letters, more money gets kicked back up the chain, and then eventually you’re rich.
Thankfully, in today’s modern world of e-commerce all this happens quickly enough that you can flee the country without ever having to deliver the goods. So, there you have it—a fool-proof way to get rich quick with minimal investment. And you owe it all to the faux hawk.
