Three's Company

Dear Reid,

We have a problem and we just don’t know where to turn, so we thought you might be able to help. We are seniors, and for the last three years we have been searching for a person to join our group (we are composed of one male and one female). Perhaps join isn’t the right word though. Perhaps… copulate is. Let’s think back to the ever-so-popular flick, Threesome.

However, as much as we adore that hallowed piece of cinematography, our threesome can be either two women and one man*, or one woman and two men. Anyway, the problem is that we are living in a constraining environment. It’s not very accepting of all fetishes. Now, we know that you are an accepting person, Reid, that is why we trust you and respect your advice. Reid, what ever can we do? We have been searching for the perfect third for three years, but to no avail. We’re getting a little… discouraged. There have to be others out there who have the same… wants… needs… curiosities. But you can’t really advertise for fear of bodily harm and ridicule. What’s a couple to do? Two is the loneliest number.

Sincerely,
Three’s Company

I know how you feel. The best way to help you with this matter is to share with you my own personal experience – oh, wait, nevermind…

Instead, I’ll just make something up, like I usually do. While one-on-one intimacy holds a special place in the hearts of us all, sometimes it just gets a little, well, boring. I mean, there are only a finite number of things you can do with just two people. Sure, Barnes & Noble has an entire section of books on the subject, but the average college student can’t be expected to actually read anything from which they might learn – aside, of course, from this column. Once you’ve looked at all the pictures, what’s left to do?

Anyway, the possibility of throwing a third party into the loop is an exciting and intriguing option for those bored with positions 1-296. You seem to have already decided that this is the way for you to go, so the next problem is trying to find your third. One of the most important decisions in the relationship of a young couple in this day and age is choosing the right third party for their menage a trois.

Such a monumental step should not be taken lightly, and it is reassuring to me that you have put so much time and thought into it so far.
First, sit down and talk about the male/female issue. It is important that the two of you agree on the gender of the third party. Next, you should each sit down and make a list – ordered, of course – of people that you know with whom you would like to sleep. Try to limit the lists to around 30 or 40 names. Put your lists side by side, and scan down from the top until you reach the first name that is on both lists. Now it’s time for the proposition. This stage can be awkward. You have to present the idea to your choice in a breezy, casual, yet not exactly nonchalant way.

Make this party know that you’re not kidding, but don’t pressure him or her (yet). If the first choice doesn’t accept, simply move on down the list. Now, while I’d really like to help you out more, I feel that it is best for you, my fair couple, to do most of the work on this project on your own, as it is always an experience that will bring you closer together. Unless, of course, the third person is going in between.

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