Accidental Seizure Sex

Dear Reid,

I have an unusual problem, maybe you can help. I had sex with my boyfriend’s roommate, but I swear it was an accident. My boyfriend, I’ll call him “Aaron,” doesn’t believe me. We really love each other, so this is really tough.

Here’s the story. “Aaron” left early for spring break, and I went over to the apartment to see Chris, his roommate, so I could get something I had left there. I got there and we started to drink, I was just chillin’ out on the couch when “Chris” staggered over and fell on top of me. Next thing I know, he suddenly had a seizure of some sort, and about an hour later I realized that we had accidentally had intercourse!

A few weeks later, the same thing happened. I didn’t know what happened, but “Chris” was kind enough to explain that the seizures were uncontrollable and were often brought on by alcohol, loud music, flashing lights, and other typical frat party elements. When I confessed this to “Aaron” he seemed more concerned about the status of our relationship than about “Chris’” health. My problem is this: I find these seizure incidents very alluring and they add a deep sense of mystery to my friendship with “Chris.”

I find myself hooking up strobe lights and sub woofers in an attempt to induce these fits. I have also hooked up several video cameras about my apartment. Would it be appropriate for me to show this footage to a medical authority, or what?

Hooked on Seizures

I know how you feel. Your boyfriend is being an absolute prick about this. Frankly, I am appalled at his lack of concern for his good friend’s health. This problem “Chris” has is obviously a very serious illness. I have known many a man between the ages of 17 and 25 to suffer from such a disorder.

While mainstream medicine has yet to diagnose its roots, my personal thought is that is a rare form of epilepsy, combined with the genetic defect that results in Tourette’s syndrome, the symptoms of which are only brought on by a combination of alcohol, flashy lights, and that spawn of the devil, rock and roll music.

Now, I am not a licensed doctor. My only medical training comes from the year I spent in the bush studying under the Medicine Man of the Kwuakiutl, which probably makes me a more qualified physician than any in the town of Morris.

“The Kwuakiutl?” you ask. “Who are the Kwuakiutl?” Well, my friends, that’s for me and Margaret Mead to know, and you to find out. Let’s just say that while they may seem primitive to the untrained eye, they actually have a very complex socialized health care system, which may be second only to that in Germany.

The Germans have quite an interesting system, you know. Health care is universal, and rather than using insurance companies there are these government controlled funds which all employers tap into to pay for the health care of all employees.

Everyone in Germany has equal access to health care, from factory workers to rock and roll stars, spawn of the devil that they are. You might not know this, but David Hasselhof is a very big rock and roll star in Germany.

Remember the show “Baywatch Nights,” which lasted about three months last year? Hasselhof should have left the “Knight Rider” character back in the eighties, when talking cars were cool.

Those cars that would tell you if the door was ajar were so annoying. What ever happened to real innovation? They’ve been talking about flying cars since the thirties, when the eighties were the stuff of science fiction and they had to use manual typesetters to print a newspaper.

Speaking of newspapers, you should really lose that boyfriend. Anyone who can show such a lack of concern for a friend is not worth your time. Concerned about the status of your relationship… Bah.


16 Responses to “Accidental Seizure Sex”

  1. Ibod Catooga Says:

    I wonder if any anal happened!

  2. She Says:

    To accidentally have intercourse? I don’t buy it.

  3. Excuses! Says:

    Sounds to me like you are coming up with elaborate excuses to cover your cheating. Not that I can judge I’m a cheater myself and I would love to just tell my wife that my seizure disorder (yes I have seizures) is the root cause of me cheating, when in reality it has less to do with anything going on in my brain that causes the cheating and more to do with what is going on in my pants. Have fun though.

  4. usdoctor Says:

    The seizure like activity may be diagnosed by a neurologist with an Electro-encephalogram (EEG). It seems unusual though that this male’s seizures comes on as he ‘comes on’ to a female for sex.

    From her part, a woman does not have accidental intercourse without removing clothing.

    Both stories, unless substantiated by EEG and recurrent seizures separate from intercourse, are bogus.

    So, sorry, but this website bought it all.

  5. Reid Smeid Says:

    The only thing more idiotic than this story is Reid’s reply to it.

  6. oh wow Says:

    oh, wow… he “fell on you” without clothes and you had no clothes. yup, exactly what happened. -___-”

  7. unbelieving Says:

    So, why where you naked?

  8. youcantbeserious Says:

    ok, let me get this straight. your boyfriends roomate, chris, was naked, as were you. he fell on you, and entered your vagina, with an erect penis, and “seizured” long enough for it to be considered intercourse. and you didn’t even realize it until half an hour later. he then did it again a few weeks later. and now, your hooking up strobe lights so that it will happen repeatedly. Then when you told your boy friend about it you were appalled by his reaction? Are you retarded? listen honey, your a cheating whore. “Aaron” should dump your ass and quickly. You had sex with his roommate. And you, Reid, oh great master of medicine who studied with some obsucre tribe that somehow has close to perfect medical practices. shut up. you claim the boyfriend is a prick? His girl friend just had sex with his roommate. And then you go off on some stupid tangent about germany and night rider. who are you? God the girl is a slut and your a moron. have fun both being stupid whores..

    • timothy Says:

      thank you, youcantbesrious i was just about to type that, what is with that reply mehn i feel like punching through the wall. your boyfriend is a prick really for cheating on him

  9. Zachary Askegren Says:

    Oh how I precious the music from the decennary, everything seemed to be way solon imaginative than punishment.

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