Fall-back girl

Dear Reid,

There’s this guy who keeps flirting with me, and like, people are continually telling me that he likes me. He totally do the signs that show me that he likes me… but the thing is, he tells everybody that he doesn’t, and on top of that, he says that he kinda likes this one girl that he’s liked since last year. He says that he doesn’t like her as much.

Now I don’t really care whether he does like me or not. It’s just that, every time I don’t like him doing something, he stops it. He even asked me to the movies once and, in a way, he seemed to be asking me out. He dresses up when we do things together, and it’s felt like date when we’ve gone places. I’m not sure whether or not he likes me though. I need help… does he like me?

He totally flirts with me! And he makes eyes contact, smiles at me, is happy when I want to do things, loves to talk to me, changes when I don’t like things, and so on. I don’t know if he is just being a great friend or if he does like me.. can you help me? Please?

Sincerely,
Utterly Confused

I know how you feel. There’s nothing more frustrating than getting stuck in a rut. Take me, for instance. The only requests for advice I seem to get these days are from teenage girls who don’t know how to flirt, and from people looking for information on Elephantitis. Long gone are the days when I’d receive tales of co-ed naked body art, inappropriate transgressions involving T.A.’s, and, well, anything remotely interesting, to tell the truth.

But, as with anyone who has made a commitment to the healing arts, I must respond to the call when my help is needed. Luckily, I’m not a real doctor or therapist or anything, so all that Hippocratic crap about “first do no harm” can fly right out the window. Anyone writing to this third-rate (or fourth- or fifth-rate, for all I know) column has clearly got to be desperate beyond words, and has to expect to be dragged over the coals a bit before they can glean any sort of helpful information out of me. So, let’s talk turkey.

I’m afraid your guy is probably using you as the “fall-back” girl. As he tells everybody, he probably really does kinda like that one girl. But, and you can take this as good news or bad news, he finds you much more approachable. This other girl is probably one of those cute perky types, tight little body, tanned to perfection, shimmering blonde hair that flows down from her shoulders as she… mmm… sorry, got distracted there for a second. Anyway, she’s the girl of his dreams and your the girl of his reality.

Now, this can go two ways. You can be content as his pseudo-date when he gets lonely, not really getting any action and not really getting his full attention. Basically, you’d be “just friends”, and it would be the least complicated way of resolving your relationship.

But, I sense that despite what you say, you actually do like this guy. Like-him, like-him, if you know what I mean. And, in that case, you probably find it incredibly frustrating to be stuck in the “friend zone”. Hence, your desperate cry for help, to me, you, poor, foolish thing. And, in this scenario, there’s only one thing to do. That’s right, kiss him. Plant a big wet one right on his lips. To really get your point across, nothin says lovin’ like T-O-N-G-U-E.

Please note, if you are under 18, kissing is prohibited by law, and in any case should not be practiced without proper protection. You never know what the other person has eaten that day – what if it was really garlicky or something? Gross.

2 Responses to “Fall-back girl”

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    Only needed to say you did a great job. Thanks a lot -Rosemarie

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