Another stupid girl who can't tell if a boy likes her or not

Dear Reid,

I need your help. You see, there’s this guy at school and I really like him. I know for a fact that he used to like me. He still might, but I’m not sure. He’s the type of guy that can get pretty hyper sometimes, but other times he’s kinda shy. He and I used to talk a whole lot, but lately he hasn’t been paying much attention to me.

I got him a CD for Christmas by one of his favorite bands. He didn’t get me anything. I’m fine with that—I told him not to get me anything. But still, it’s not like him.

He’s been so shy lately. Now he won’t even talk to me. Whenever I log onto AIM, he’ll sign off within a minute without having said a word to me. He’s been acting like this for the past two weeks. I’m so confused. Did I do something wrong? Why is he acting like this? If he still does like me and he’s just being shy again then how can I tell? I don’t know what to do.

Twice Shy

I know how you feel. It’s probably silly of me to point it out, because I’m sure that before sending this message you would have combed the archived letters in great detail searching for someone with a similar situation, but your problem is not unique. Oh, sure, you’re going to come up with all sorts of little nuances that make this guy and this girl different from every other pimply teenager on the planet, but when it comes down to it, you’re all a part of the same hyper-emotional mob of raging hormones.

Luckily for you, it wasn’t so long ago that I was popping pimples in front of the bathroom mirror. And even if it was, I get enough letters from you hornballs to remind me what it was like every day of the week. So, it’s basically taken me two paragraphs to let you know that, as much as it pains me to go over this yet again, you’ve come to the right place.

The fundamental barrier between men and women, between pimply teenage boys and pimply teenage girls, and between small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri and small furless creatures from Alpha Cenauri, is that we’re all freaking terrified of each other. We’re all so damn scared that we could be rejected, that could get our feelings hurt, that instead of taking that risk and actually talking to one another, we prefer to send wistful letters to online advice columnists—or, God forbid, call in to radio talk shows—who we know can’t possibly understand us, and who certainly won’t take us seriously. And that’s why the vast majority of us live solitary cubicle lives basking in the glow of a cathode ray tube and riddled with carpal tunnel syndrome. Frankly, it’s a wonder that any of us ever get together.

So, since my vast experience and limitless wisdom both lead me to concede that it’s beyond my abilities to break down this barrier for all time, we’re going to have to settle for a quick fix to your own little dilemma. So, you can’t get this guy to pay attention to you, despite having given him gifts and harassing him with instant messages. Probably he’s stopped returning the three or four phone calls and six or seven e-mails you send his way each day, as well, am I right?

Well, it sounds to me like we have a classic case of smothering behavior. At one time, this guy was probably genuinely interested in you. I can’t say, based on the limited input provided in your letter, whether he “liked” you or “like-liked” you, but, in any case, the fact that he used to talk to you is a good sign. The shyness, of course, came because he was terrified of you. But he was probably terrified in the sense that he was afraid you might not like him, more than in the sense that if he says a wrong word around you you could snap and grab the nearest butcher knife, leaving him holding his entrails in a warm, gooey mass as he bleeds to death on his kitchen floor.

So, the first thing you have to do is back off. Don’t stalk him in the halls, and don’t chase him around cyberspace. And, for the love of all that is Big N’ Tasty, don’t dial his phone number for at least a month! This will let him know that you’ve decided to move on. Now, depending on how badly you’ve already messed this boy up, it will either provide him with a welcome rest period, or it will help him realize just how much he does like having you around. Then, when the time is right, he might just send an instant message to you.

Then again, that may all be a bunch of crap. Maybe you should just get one of your friends to pass a note to one of his friends. A note, if you’re not familiar with the concept, is what people used to use to communicate with the opposite sex before AOL. What you do is, using a pen or pencil (archaic writing instruments that your parents will have access to), scribble out a message onto a piece of paper (again, ask parents if not familiar with the concept of paper), asking if he likes you. The friends act as a very nice buffer to the rejection, if rejection is what is to come of all this. And when it’s all over, you can re-direct all of your anger and frustration at the friend who bore the bad news, rather than having to take any responsibility for yourself.

I hope you see my point in all this nonsense. Being shy is stupid; it’s a shame to waste all that precious teen angst by bottling it up inside of yourself. If you don’t actually go up and talk to this guy, or to the next one, the next time you speak to him may be at some high school reunion in ten years, when the conversation will be all about his great new wife and their second kid on the way, while you’re left alone with your carpal tunnel.

15 Responses to “Another stupid girl who can't tell if a boy likes her or not”

  1. Tati Says:

    Dear Reid,

    I need advice. I have a very cute older friend, and I think he might like me but i’m not too sure now. He flirts with me alot, and he sends me text messages almost daily, but when i asked who he liked he acted super weird, and he wouldn’t tell me who it was. So when he asked me who i liked i didn’t tell him, but I know he can tell when I flirt back. He also asked one of my friends if they knew if i liked him?? Do you think he likes me? Also do you think that because i’m younger than him he might not asl me out?? i am soo confused. Should i confront him about this?? what should I do???

    -very confused

  2. Dani Richers Says:

    i have a boy who has been in my class 4 years and he’s one of my best freinds and i like him wat should i do!! like one month ago he went out with my best freind and now he acts like she is the princess of the world!! i was super mad but didnt show it when they kissed or holded hands!! they broke up a couple of days ago, should i take my advanteages and go for it or ask my freind first??
    IM CONFUSED!!! HELP ME!!!

  3. Confused Girl Says:

    sooo…me and this guy have been friends for a few months now. when we first met, both of us were in relationships. what he didnt know is that i had a crush on him for the longest while, so when i had an opportunity to talk to him, i took it. he found my number and called me one night. a few months later he broke up with his girlfriend. he would call me every night and we would speak for hours. but then in school, when he was around certain females, he would distance himself from me. that confused me. he’s also younger than i am and i’m about to graduate high school. i told me he has feelings for me, but he doesnt always show it. sometimes i think that he is trying not to like me because he knows that soon i will be going away to college. and everyone already thinks we’re a couple because thats how we act- we have chemistry. please help me. i can’t tell if this guy likes me, or, if he trying not to have feelings for me because im leaving, or, he’s just a dog.

  4. Jessica Says:

    Okay, well me and this boy have been great friends for the past 2 years. We were at the same bus stop then I moved down the street so I still ride the same bus just not the same stop. Anyway I really like him alot, but over the past month he has been totally ignoring me. Like we have assigned seats on the bus and he sits behind me, but now he sits back with these other two guys. He makes me so mad, that I want to ignore him but I cant help it, I am head over heels for him. Then just this past week towards the end of the bus ride he comes up to the seat next to mine and starts talking to me like nothing has changed. And one time my friend who rides my bus is also a friend of him like me. She asked me if I liked him but I lied and said no. She said that he liked me but I didnt believe her, this was at the begining of the year. Then one day he sat in the seat across from me and stared at me, I felt uneasy that my stomach was in knots that I had something on my face so I asked him to stop staring wich was stupid of me. I just wish I knew if he liked me or not help please-

    Secretly In Love with a Jerk

  5. Megan Says:

    I need help

  6. Megan Says:

    I relly need help with a boy. My problem is i need to know if he likes me!!!

  7. Megan Says:

    I relly need help with a boy. I need to know if he likes me!!

  8. jenna Says:

    you guys all either need to go up to him and ask him if hee likess you orr just forget the whole thing.. guys are nott mind readersss soo if u don’t tell themm watss on ur mindd they’ll never knowww .. justt talk to themm and in the end if things don’t work outt it wasn’t meant to bee.. ik its hard but there are plenty of guys outt there better then who ur chasingg afterr.. so don’t get so hung up on this onee guy causeee he`s really probably not worth it

  9. sandy Says:

    i can’t figure out why you like the dude. he abously not hot at all cause to tell you the truth i have dated this guy. sorry thought you should know. if you hate me i understand. well here he is now. we are going to mall themn after that we going to his house. ya his house

  10. saja rami Says:

    well my friend says im a whore and i called her a real bad name because she is one and she shouldn’t have any say in this cause she is stupid

  11. Aurie Says:

    “she shouldn’t have any say in this cause she is stupid”

    Hello Pot. Meet Kettle. I’m sure you’ll get on well, what with both of you being whores and stupid. There’s a saying going round on the Net that applies to you. EPIC FAIL.

  12. Alexzandria Says:

    They’re is this boy, of corse. Anyway This boy I think used to like me, he’d offered me some of his food,stare at me, tell other people to get infront of them just so he could be by me,and complement me on most of my stuff! Then my teacher moved him over to my bff, then he started to do all those things and now acting like I don’t well he acts as if I wasn’t born!!! He still stares at me alot and sometimes,very rare acts as if he likes me!Ahhh! I’m real confused or was it a trap and he was after my bff the whole time and I was just an extra.But now I do like him. I used to see a light in his face not anymore. I don’t really like him its just my crush. He knew had a crush on a boy w/ highlights so he got some……I just need to know cause I’m goin’ crazy!

  13. Ben Coleman Says:

    OH MY GOD
    can you people not read…
    he just stated that you should ask them
    if you dont then you cant find out… no matter what you invent to read his brain you will not find out unless YOU ask him IN PERSON
    “oh no i cant do that… ill get embarrassed” TOO BAD it is a necessary evil to find out… he probably wont tell your bestie because he might think she will make a rumour up about it…

    trust me this is from experience from THE GUYS SIDE
    find me on myspace if ya want to chat
    http://www.myspace.com/benign_lil_devil

    hav a good one
    Ben =Þ

  14. Bookworm-recluse Says:

    Hey. I have a problem, and I’m pretty sure it’s unique to the case. There’s this guy (of course) who’s name is Fish. (Not actually, I’m just paranoid and have come up with a code-name. *don’t ask*) We used to date, and then I made this website about how much I liked him and somehow he (and the rest of the school) found out and he was so embarassed that he dumped me. I was hopelessly broken-hearted, and proceeded to scare him off even more, but sending him broken-hearted emails and tucking notes into his desk. A few days later, his best friend (who was datin my former best friend) got anxious that my BFF would dump him if he was the only person dating. So he forced Fish to ask me out again, and I rejoiced, thinking that he had reconsidered, and obviously said yes. Anyway, about a week later, he dumped me, saying that the pressure was too great and that he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend yet (liar. he got a new gf the next month)
    A year later, I still have a bit of a crush on him – mostly just wanting to redo the whole screw-up, and I hear (through the line) that he might still like me. (my friend told me that her boyfriend (who’s BFF’s with Fish) said that Fish might like me). Now I have this fluttery hope in my chest that I just know is going to be squashed soon – he’ll walk over to me and go “You retard! You thought I liked you?! Nasty! I already have a girlfriend” and walk off with his posse of Populars. (yeah, I forgot to mention that he has a girlfriend. and that one of my friends, who I gave full permission to date him, likes him, too, and doesn’t know that I still like him.) I AM SO SCREWED UP! HELP ME!

  15. Gina Says:

    Girls aren’t the only stupid beings who cannot tell if a boy likes them or not. Silly gays LOL.

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