I can identify with the lady who asked if her crush “likes-her-likes-her.” I got me one of those guys. After 6 months of doing theatre stuff together, but not dating or getting any further than the intermittent quiet chat and giggle, when there weren’t so many others around, I reached a limit to my suspense tolerance and was possessed of a moment in which I suddenly blurted out at point-blank range that I’d had a crush on him for months, and that I think he’s gorgeous.
He grinned big enough to light up the Ottawa Parliament, then he panicked and left me standing there wondering what I’d just done. Since our current activity is a Broadway choral revue, and we rehearse twice a week, it was really difficult to cope at first but I never let on to anyone that this had happened. I just let him go and proceeded to enjoy the show anyway, taking care of my bruised ego by staying completely away from him for three weeks. Man, that hurt.
But then I was surprised. Although he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, he kept positioning himself in my line of vision, and he’d stand about a foot away while apparently looking at something else, and I’d see him trying to sneak peeks at me in the mirror on the front wall. I’m not sure what was going on but it felt like he was trying to get close somehow. So I finally decided to make some eye contact, and he lit up the Parliament again with the expression on his smiling face. It was all that happened, but it was really cute.
Anyway, I’ve begun to chat a little now and then with him, but something very profound happened to me: I’m not anxiously trying to angle for his attention any more, since watching him try to get mine.
I’ve always been the aggressor in relationships, and have regretted it, but he’s so shy (around me only, he’s fine with everyone else), that I don’t know if he’s got the slightest idea what to do, and I don’t want to revert to being the lady-in-waiting.
Incidentally; the guy’s a chick magnet: women friends simply float to him, but more often than not, when he and I have talked, he was the one who wandered to me and just stood or sat nearby, quietly, until I spoke. Then we’d chatter like old hens.
What does he need me to do, if I even owe him anything, and what do I even mean to him? was it just his own pride, and not so much any interest in me? I couldn’t handle another rejection after going through telling him that, only to be left with my face dangling on the floor. OUCH! Besides, for the first time I’m feeling like I have a bit of influence, and I’m not in a hurry to surrender that.
I do care for the man, but I’m not quite prepared to relate to him on a more direct level just yet; actually the sense of being watched is kinda fun and satisfying… it’s just that I’ve never been in this kind of situation before, so I don’t know if it’s a precursor to a new romance, or if I’m just seeing what I want to see because telling him how I felt was so frightening, and I want my dignity!
Clueless in Canada
I know how you feel. It’s tough to be attracted to someone who couldn’t possibly have any romantic interest in you. I hear time and again from men who have been rejected by lesbians, and women, like you, who have fallen for a gay man.
Yeah, I hate to tell you, but you’ve got a crush on a Queer. There were a few very obvious warning signs that I think you probably should have caught yourself, but understandably missed while viewing your friend through those rose-colored lenses.
First, there was the chatting and the giggling. Straight men don’t giggle, unless watching “Beavis and Butthead.”
Second, there was the smiling and running away when you admitted your feelings. Straight men will literally do anything for sex, and if you actually walked up to one, said you had a crush on him, and that you thought he was attractive, well, you’d be lucky if he didn’t drop his pants right there on the stage in front of God and everyone.
Third, there was the part about his being a good-looking chick magnet. Straight good-looking chick magnets are all assholes. Good-looking chick magnets who are nice and chatty and giggly and shy around girls who come on to them are, invariably, homosexuals.
Finally, HE’S IN A FREAKING BROADWAY CHORAL REVUE FOR CRYING OUT PETE’S SAKE!!! Sheesh, if that wasn’t a dead giveaway, I don’t know what is.
Anyway, if you want further confirmation, just give him my foolproof gay test. I think you’ll find I’m right. I usually am.