Let's just be friends

Dear Reid,

Let’s just be friends.


Your Friend

I know how you feel. You have a very strong connection to me, and it scares you. You’ve always been fiercely independent, and the idea that I might offer something you thought you didn’t need makes you question your priorities. You’re very comfortable in your present lifestyle, and succumbing to the feelings you have for me would necessitate a massive change in that life.

Despite your outwardly affectionate personality with all your friends, you harbor a subdued fear of intimacy, an unwillingness to truly share yourself with another person. Even though your interactions with me have stirred up some of those emotions you’ve suppressed for all these years, old habits die hard.

Maybe I don’t fit the ideal description you’ve always thought of as your “type,” but your relationships with those men who do should tell you that maybe you’ve had it wrong all the time. You think you want someone who will challenge you, but you’ll just end up frustrated or disappointed with someone like that. You want the excitement of the chase, but you won’t be happy once you’ve caught him. You’re too much of a challenge yourself: so stubborn and determined that you won’t rest until you’ve molded your ideal man into, well, me.

You’ve got a lot of practice at this, and you have managed to talk yourself out of something that could be really amazing. Despite the fact that you know I am the most thoughtful, caring man you’ll ever meet, you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you’re not feeling “it” for me. I take an equal amount of blame. You felt it once, but through my inaction I gave you the time and distance you needed to talk yourself out of it.

So, now you’ve decided that we should just be friends. You enjoy a cozy relationship with your close friends, conveniently free from those troubling intimate feelings. So, by lumping me in with that group, you think we can just go on along the same track, without escalating into anything more. And sure, I can see the appeal there.

The problem is, I am not as adept at turning off my romantic feelings as you are. More than that, I don’t want to turn them off anymore. Every time I see you, I want to kiss you. It’s hard to stay just friends when we’ve got that kind of thing hanging between us. Frankly, it’s not enough for me. I can take being dumped, but I won’t be lumped.

The truth is, you do want me—-at least on some level. You just refuse to admit it to yourself. You know that I can give you things—and actually want to—that no one else will. I can fulfill your every need and desire. If you’ve ever wondered how you can tell when you’ve met the “right one,” I’ll make it easy for you: it’s me. I know that if you search deep down inside yourself, and get in touch with your feelings instead of with your argumentative inner logic, that you’ll see it too. Give it another chance, a real chance, and see what happens.

On the other hand, have you considered the possibility that you might be gay?


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