Graduation speeches

Dear Reid,

I am writing a speech for graduation and I need some advice to give to my classmates at the end of my speech. I hope you have something, because I am having a major mental block. Please help!

Signed,

Out of Ideas

I know how you feel. You stand there on graduation day at the dawn of a new era, full of hope, full of promise. You’ve been through a lot with your fellow classmates over the years, and now, as you stare out over their expectant faces, at the sea of caps and gowns, you realize that your life will never be the same after today. You arrived at school strangers, but now leave as friends. Even the word describing this ceremony is symbolic—commencement: the end of one thing, the start of something new.

Too many people think they are owed something in life. In reality, life is about opportunities. Life doesn’t come with a warranty, but it does come with a multitude of opportunities that we choose to take or foolishly waste. Being educated is not about being a narrow, one-dimensional person. It’s seeing far, seeing how much you don’t know and need to learn, then going out and learning more. If you set the bar too low, you’ll never jump higher. Always look to the future, but learn from the past.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. Clear your mind of “can’t.” Every one of us has the capability to do some truly spectacular things, but so many times in life we limit ourselves by saying, “I can’t.” If you don’t believe you can do it, who will? If instead, we say “I can” and believe it, we will be more likely to experience success. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars. You have to spend money to make money.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is not a path and leave a trail. The key to happiness is doing what you want to do with your life and not settling for anything less, even though sometimes it may seen impossible or impractical. we should enjoy life and make it beautiful, knowing that the power to survive is within us. That’s what these last 18 or so years of our lives have been all about: learning that even if the branch breaks away and falls to the ground, we have what it takes to survive and to keep on singing. Be all you can be. Be prepared. Don’t worry, be happy.

And, above all else, remember how important it is to have good dental hygiene. Most of us lost our baby teeth back in kindergarten, so the teeth you have now are the teeth you’ll have for the rest of your life. Unless you don’t have good dental hygiene, in which case you may have to get fake teeth someday when you’re a senior citizen. Good dental hygiene involves brushing twice a day for at least two minutes, and then flossing. A good flouride mouthwash can’t hurt, either.

A milestone passed, new things begun, dreams as shining as the sun, a goal achieved, a victory won! That’s graduation. Oh yeah, and always wear sunscreen.

6 Responses to “Graduation speeches”

  1. sweet Says:

    Dear Reid,i will be an emcee for our recognition day in school when outstanding students will be ecognized.im totally mental blocked because im still working with mythesis and at the same time working.could you pls help me find good adlibs and ideas to fill my script for the program? thankyou so much.

    drained mind

  2. Reid Says:

    I know how you feel. This guy walks into an agent’s office and says he’s got a great vaudeville act to pitch. It’s a nice family act, the kind everyone will want to see. The agent asks the guy to describe it. In the act, he describes, a family walks out on stage: A dad, a mom, a son and a daugher. The first thing they do is they sing a song. Something wholesome, like “Singin’ in the Rain.” Then, right at the end of the song, the whole family drops their pants and takes a dump on the stage. Then they get naked and roll around in it, smearing the poop all over their naked bodies. Then a dog comes on stage and starts licking all the poop off of the naked people. The naked people like the dog’s licking so much that they start to get horny, and then start having sex with one another. The dad has sex with the daughter, the son has sex with the mother, then they all have sex with the dog. That’s not enough for any of them, though, so they switch partners. The dad has sex with the son, and the daughter has sex with the mom, and the dog keeps on licking and slobbering all over all of them. Then they light themselves on fire and do it all again. Once they’re finally done, they line up and take their bow. At the end of the descritpion, the agent is speechless for a moment. When he finally musters up his strength, he says, “That’s disgusting! What do you call it?” The guy responds:“The Aristocrats.”

  3. Daniel Says:

    I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding Graduation speeches, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong🙂

  4. Aurie Says:

    @Reid: Did you happen to get that from a webcomic titled “Jack”? If so, you missed the part about the baby being used as a sex toy.

  5. Katelyn Says:

    Dear Reid,
    I am graduating from a dental hygiene program and because I am a secretary of the association I am required to speak. I am out of ideas. I have to write the closing remarks, please help me.

  6. Hank Foller Says:

    hi,good pants in your post,I love that beautiful pants,I need to find one for me,bill

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